so much things to say right now...

I´ve been so lax in posting to this, and promise to fill more things in before the weekend´s over - suffice to say, I love where I am and becoming family with the students and talking with my friends, but my brain (and sometimes my heart) hurts from being in the midst of all of the days´ frustrations.

My role here gives me a window into all of the discussions and lectures that the students receive, but I sometimes feel as though my own continued exploration of place is completely stunted - most of my interactions are so functional and inert and I really ache to just put down the baton and BE HERE. Being not-a-student also complicates my ability to express my frustrations at times - even when I agree and sympathize I am compelled to stifle my opinions and solely offer my ears and a means to act on whatever issues are at hand.

This is a bit of a vent, so my apologies for posting something so down while I´m here - to make up here´s one of our many sunsets along the north coast (Litoral Norte)...

Hoje.

Finalmente, today. 07.14.07.

Lauren arrived early this morning. A fellow Longhorn and Brasilophile - she´s been working in Recife at Lula´s office, another UT architect, but this one a Brasilian artista with an incredible firm in the historical neighborhood of Olinda. He will be a design professor along with Jay Sanders. She and Taia have already been talking away, and I know that the language immersion will be incredible for all of us.

And now I am here. At the moment, Taia has gone with the women to Porto de Sauipe, where his family has an incredible house one the beach. I will nap soon, and await our next querida, Sarah, and instrutor da cultura, Wes.

Arembepe until now

The last few days have been a whirlwind....

Meghan and I caught up over a wonderful dinner of pizza and sangria - so much to talk about with education and her father´s work in curriculum (ôtimo!) and the course.

Then, I met the first two students, Roopika and Christine, who have been venturing all over Salvador already and, together with Meghan, we made a trip up to Arembepe, a small fishing town whose famous hippy village and local Ford plant have somewhat transformed it - but I believe that there is still a great deal of magic there. When we visited last year I met Luis, a community leader, with my friend Helene and when we arrived this year Luis greeted me and invited us all into his house to see his art, to meet his guests from Uruguay (they´re in the circus!), and to offer us agua de coco (coconut water straight from the nut).

The trees still bent the same way from the wind on the coast - the light over the wetlands is still the same silvery gold trapped in globes of mist - the turtle with an inverted shell still watches over his friends with sorrow and (likely) envy - the walls of the open restaurante in the hippy aldeia still have words of welcome and divine intentions - and the dirt road is still as red.

Tessa arrived yesterday - I went with Domingos (our incredible host) to the airport and then into town to make new keys while Tessa rested. Making keys takes some time, so, true to Brasil, we went and had lunch, walked a bit, and I had a chance to talk and learn from Domingos´friend Cesar. He has studied English for 14 years, but, to help me, he didn´t truely let on until later in our conversation - so many new words at once! - he is also translating Jorge Amado´s second book and hopes to begin translating the rest of his stories and poetry (only 18 or so have been translated until now).

Then Meghan and I met with Taia! He worked with us on the project last year and has both a passion for change and an incredible love for his community, Coutos, a suburb of Salvador close to where we will be working. He will live with us at the house as a student, a teacher, a guide and our lone man. He hopes to learn more English with us, because in the fall he will move to the U.S. to marry his incredible namorada, Ariana, an American storyteller whom he met working with Meghan on another project.

And, last night, perhaps the best surprise of all. The group, (myself + Tessa + Christine + Roopika) went up into Pelhourinho and amidst a skirmish over some "free" peanuts, the phone rang and I talked to whom I thought was Taia, who wanted to know where we were so he could meet us. But, like a ghost, my friend Naoul appeared - apparently I was talking to him on the phone and he gave up trying to explain that he was not Taia and started walking around to find me. Such a good hug, and a wonderful night for all of us. The girls are as charmed as anyone, and he has already begun his patient lessons in portuguese with them. We sat, drank, pulled up more chairs for friends of his we saw in the street, visited the incredible apartamento that he shares with a friend overlooking the ocean, and talked until forever. I am so excited to see my friend again, and know that the women will get as much out of their friendship with him as with anyone in Salvador.

A new day!

07.12.07

It is all so seamless - so familiar - I just stared down the hallway at Dona Marcia´s (where our group stayed last year), and it is as if I´d been waking up to stare at the same spot the last 353 days. I am in awe, and yet the moments when I am seeing something again for the first time fade almost as soon as they begin - fleeting pangs of memory replaced by the real thing. Some of it, I know, is because Meghan (Axis Mundi´s director) and I are walking and talking - seeing O Largo de Pelhourinho under bluish street lights I retraced a version of my scattered and many steps up that hill and, again, my smile must have looked like a veil to great secrets.

A bit in contrast, at times my memory has reconstructed itself from so many happy moments that keep popping up (like a carnival shoot-em-out game) until I am walking in a corridor of all the festas and shows and lazy nights we had ever experienced.

I´m writing with all the sounds that belong to Dona Marcia´s street - Rua Direita do Santo Antônio (#135, I think) - there is no lull, just life.

And there, I heard him (was waiting for him) - "Bras Gas....Bras Gas" - a voice I could pick amongst voices, a deep baritone laced with copper bells. He is the propane deliveryman, and he is like clockwork every morning.

... And Naoul is here. He doesn´t live with Dona Marcia now, but Meghan says he visits at night and I so look forward to seeing him.

...and on language

Speaking a language that is new to you or that you speak rarely at home, you live inside an invisible box with boundaries of communication. Familiar transactions are empowering and make you feel functional (to yourself and perhaps to those around you), but any variation in the pattern causes confusion and momentary (feelings of) helplessness - ´was that information important?´, ´does that mean tonight or tomorrow morning?´, ´pay now or later?´...it feels wrong to nod and smile sometimes because I worry that I will smile or laugh at something I should not (updates on the evening news or an insult intended for me), so I apologize and ask for a simpler explanation.

It is interesting what we assume when communicating this way. When you speak with someone whose native language is not your own you have to determine what layers of metaphors and slang to peel away, and, for me, in doing so I have discovered just how much I take linguistic short-cuts for granted and that words whose English meaning we transfer from one situation to another (you can take a class, take the bus, take a number) don´t necessarily translate.

some thoughts & expectations

07.11.07 (and, still...)

I have the urge to keep writing, I think, on what I expect of the next 5 weeks - the group is so different from last year (10 women!) and I am not arriving in Salvador after weeks of total immersion - some of these women have already had incredible experiences in Brasil themselves, speaking português and loving every moment. I know that my role in the group will be much tempered and supported by their own lessons and travelers´ intuition.

I am nervous to come off as a know-it-all - pointing out the obvious, if only because I reason that they seem important to note (bus stops, the laundry, where to get a great breakfast and watch the ocean) - and that it will seem that I assume they know far less than they do in giving advice or directions. I realize how much I learned last year as our group worked together to learn the city.

revisiting the past

07.11.07 (still!)

...now I have a rush of emotions from my first visit to Brasil - as if someone has held them for me and waited patiently to hand them back (surely I would return, ne?). I imagine I look as though I am harboring a fabulous secret.

Wait - the beginning!

Ah! I forgot the most wonderful beginning!

I should start with my last day in Austin...one last breakfast taco at Quack´s with Stephanie - a blur of last minute moving errands - a short trip with Coby, (trying to) catch up on a whole summer adventure between the bank and a wonderful bowl of soup (lime and extra pepper!) - more last minutes in the house that has been my home for the last two years (amazing!) - clearing tire marks off the wall from early morning biking and one last bath (double duty to clean the tub!)

Sarah had a long evening at work, but we manage to fit in a bottle of wine on Larry´s porch to talk about friendships and travel and knowing yourself - I am so blessed to have met her as a true friend when I first arrived in Austin. When Larry arrived home I watched a bit of a movie with him - I could only stay a bit, no sleep, just sweeping and double-checking everything - then Stephanie pulled up and two very sleepy people rolled out to the airport.

I snored all the way to Atlanta, but on the flight to São Paulo my seatmate was an elderly man - the sort that inspires you to catch his elbow, and it reminded me how much I miss my grandparents. He has two children in the U.S. and was returing from the wedding of his grandson - the "Inglês, Urgente!" book in his lap began a long conversation in a mixtura of português, english e questions - miming is helpful, but the pocket dictionary is gold.

Entering Brasil, I am happy - our talk dissolves many fears I have been able to rid on my own.

Eu chegei!

There is so much to write already, so read on at your own risk!

07.11.07 (my journal date)
I arrived yesterday - last night - to São Paulo. Friends of Ô de Casa (a hostel) picked me up at the airport - Paulo e Sushi, irmã e irmão - then lovely André checked me in and I played cards with four men from Dublin - Jaime, Daniel, Ian & Red (I´ll have to think on his name...). I don´t know what they call their game, but it comes from Red´s family, involves a spiral of cards, and I think I will call it "John & Margret", after his parents. After that, a good sleep - a funny dream and then I find myself in line to Salvador.

Meeting two sets of travelers - a Polish couple just rounding up 6 months of travel and a Swedish man about to begin (not a big city person, just looking to trek South America) - the bug, the urge to travel, to have absolutely no idea what comes next...their nervous energy is infectious.

In the cab I knew immediately that I must come back to São Paulo - the driver makes me feel comfortable in português, and the buildings...large, beautiful houses of every architectural style and era pose as medical offices and small businesses - the atmosphere is different, but I am somehow reminded of the embassies in D.C. along Massachusetts Avenue (?).

It is crazy to step off of an airplane - the same rounded floor treads and accordian walls as I walked through in Atlanta, and yet the change is palpable - all I needed was one breath and I know I am back in Brasil.

Getting started...

I started this when my friend Patty first sent me her blog link ("Patty has a blog?!", I thought, "It would be so cool to have a blog!"), and playing with the layouts and pretty colors became a bit of a diversion (see subtitle) as I worked on my thesis - like a good procrastinator, I never managed to put up a worthy post, but now it will be a perfect way to keep in touch without jamming your inboxes!

The next several weeks I will be in Brazil working on a design/build project with ten students (all women this year!) and an incredible group of teachers/guides/designers/mentors. I cannot wait to reconnect with some of the people we worked with last year, and though I'm nervous about my new responsibilities, I'm up for a challenge and am in total awe of the opportunity to return (to açai, and Olodum, and samba, and Tia Maria's granola...).

So, I will do my best to post often (with photos!), and I can't wait to get questions or links or fun stories from you all!

much love,
megan

ps - Here are a few photos of where we're headed...


This is the view from the neighborhood where we'll be working.


The hill we'll walk up everday (I don't know those lovely people walking towards me, but our house will be in the neighborhood just beyond the houses at the bottom of the hill).


And a cool panoramic photo from our project last year.